


Separated by Six Feet Down and One Lifetime Away

by Spoiler1001



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blood, Character Death, First Kiss, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Confessions, Lucien remembers life as molly, M/M, Not Quite a Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Self-Sacrifice, caleb is not ok, caleb tells molly, cree does not trust the nein, posted on tumblr in sections then put here as a collection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26806642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoiler1001/pseuds/Spoiler1001
Summary: My reaction and hopes for Lucien and Caleb needing to feel emotions.
Relationships: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 3
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So. Ep 111 was something.

Caleb was numb to the rain and the cold. He could feel the ground give from beneath his grip. He knew that Veth was now holding his arm, as the mud was starting to stain red. Caleb knew he had to be there. His memory wasn't failing, he knew exactly where Molly should be. Caleb started coughing for air around the water. The ground started to pull at him. He was starting to shake, as he started to realise that he was right at the depth where he laid molly to rest. Molly should be there. The image of Molly getting stabbed burned into his mind as Caleb went still. He failed Molly again. The one that made him laugh and smile and showed him that he was a person, not a tool not a-

Caduceus pulled Caleb out of the whole in the ground. "It's alright. We can fix this" he whispered, hugging caleb close.

Jester spoke up. "Cree has molly."   
  


* * *

Lucien had memories of everything. He remembered his friends. The tomb takers and the Mighty Nein. He remembered the blade cutting into his chest. He could hear a male voice choking on his name as his consciousness fades. He missed that voice, the thick accent, and the want to be better. That man was so secretive and so hurt. Maybe he'd be better off with the memory of Molly, instead of the reality of Lucien. He felt something watching him, and it smelled faintly of cinnamon. Ah. Lucien smiled. She's watching. The feeling faded and Lucien could hear Cree hiss against the cold, towards unfinished business.

* * *

The reunion was quiet. Caleb had run through every possible outcome in his mind. He pictured hugs, pictured blank stares. He let the possibilities build in his mind. What he didn't expect to see was a look of grief. 

The person who stood before him was familiar, he looked at the Nein with recognition, despite the changes. The tiefling looked at Caleb and smiled. 

"Looking your best I see, Mr Caleb. Good job getting everyone home safe." The tiefling flashed him a smile. 

"Not everyone returned." Caleb spoke in a whisper. "Moll-"

"I go by Lucien now." The tiefling spoke, not in a harsh manner but as a way to set boundaries. 

"Lucien- what happened- I lead you into an ambush." Caleb rubbed his arms.

"I knew the risks." Lucien took a step closer. "I made my own choices." 

Caleb nodded. "It's getting late. Do you two have a way of keeping warm tonight?" 

"Actually-" Cree started to say but Lucien cut her off. 

"We do, but if you have a better means-" Caleb smiled.and summoned the door to the mansion.

Lucien's eyes shone with emotion, despite his face being even. Caleb showed Cree and Lucien around, not as animated as he had done with the others. Cree was a bit surprised to see the servants, but a house was a house. She made her way back to the guest room. Lucien looked at the door. It was plain but there was a faded engraving. Lucien ran his fingers over it, realizing that it was two swords and an all seeing eye, like his tarot cards. The rest of the group had gone to bed, barring one. Lucien couldn't see that lone person but he had an idea- 

* * *

Caleb was watching the fireplace in the library, the light catching on the stained glass. Caleb was gripping a dirty cloth. The stained glass began to have a red center and grew slowly, overtaking the purple design. Caleb's face was still and could, the knuckles on his hand going white from the grip. Caleb was taking deep breaths to steady himself. 

"You look tired." Lucien hummed. Caleb just turned to face him, clutching the cloth closer to him.

"You should get to bed." Lucien continued. "You look so much better now, exhaustion would set you back." 

"I'll rest soon, you can go to bed." Caleb's voice cracked. 

Lucien sat next to Caleb. "Cree took the room. She wants some alone time." 

"Oh- I'm sorry I should have made another room, I assumed." Caleb mumbled, looking away from Lucien. 

Lucien smiled. "It's fine. I can sleep elsewhere, but you look tired, why don't you go to bed." Lucien placed his hands over Caleb's. He looked down to see what Caleb was holding. Oh. The coat Lucien wore as Molly. It was dirty, torn and bloody. Caleb was clutching it with shaking hands. Lucien sighed and placed his hands on Caleb's shoulders, pulling him into a hug. 

"I'm sorry." Caleb whispered into Lucien's chest. "I should have-" 

"I followed you because I wanted to. Nothing would change that." Lucien ran his fingers through Caleb's hair. 

"You didn't know who you were following. I lied to you." Caleb stage whispered looking at Lucien who froze. 

"What about?" Lucien's nails left their place against Caleb's scalp. 

Caleb told Lucien everything, about the academy, his scars, his parents, Trent, how close Caleb was to leaving after Molly, Trent's words against him. Neither Lucien or Caleb knew when the tears started but Caleb's confession ended with Caleb just breaking down against Lucien's chest. Lucien just held him, starting to run his nails through Caleb's hair again. 

"Do the others know?" Lucien asked. Caleb nodded, finally calming down. 

"This wouldn't change anything if I knew then." Lucien placed a kiss on Caleb's forehead. Caleb let out a him, his eyes starting to close. 

"Let's just get you to bed." Lucien smiled and helped Caleb up, still holding the coat, but less of an iron grip before.

* * *

Lucien had memories of Molly, but it was different when he had Caleb sleeping against his chest. Lucien hummed softly thinking about everything he learned. Lucien wondered how he would react before he had died. It answers the questions Molly had had about Caleb but Caleb didn't owe Molly or Lucien anything. Lucien could judge the friend that summoned a mansion for him to sleep in. 

Caleb's room was cold in the sense that it was evident that no one slept there regularly. Lucien wondered if Caleb slept more in the library than here. The bed was soft, comfortable. Almost too much so. Lucien wondered if he should leave but as soon as Lucien shifted, Caleb grabbed onto him. Lucien was trapped, almost. If he spoke up Caleb would let him go, but it's better if Caleb slept through the night. Lucien settled back down and let sleep pull him under.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?" A female voice rang out. Lucien opened his eyes, the weight of Caleb was gone, the coat resting on a nearby chair. 

"Sleeping. It's quite relaxing." Lucien mumbled. 

"Why are you in bed with them?" Cree practically hissed out. 

"Because it's warm." Lucien grinned as he sat up. 

"They got you killed!" Cree yelled. "If I hadn't found your grave." 

"I got myself killed. And you were there. I'm fine."

Cree looked unconvinced. Lucien got dressed very quickly and stepped out of the room. The Nein tried to be subtle about it but they stared as Lucien left the room. Breakfast was served. Caleb had his face buried in a book. 

Breakfast was pancakes and waffles. It was sweet, almost luxurious. Lucien almost didn't want to leave- But.

"Will you be joining us?" Fjord asked. Lucien did a double take at the voice but shrugged.

"I have business to take care of. Justice to be had." Lucien answered. The Nein visibly and verbally protested.

"Anything we can help you with?" Caleb finally looked up. 

"You've done enough." Cree snapped and stormed out. 

"...I'm sorry, but this is something I have to do." Lucien gave them a smile. Yasha hugged him tightly. 

"Be careful." She whispered. Lucien nodded. Caleb's heart hurt watching Lucien walk away.

* * *

Lucien should have known that the Nein were going to track him down. Lucien was angry, he was supposed to fight monsters, protect people from them, but the woman in front of Lucien, the woman leading dozens of people just trying to make a living to their deaths. Lucien was screeching in infernal. He was angry, just beyond fury. 

The member of the Cerberus Assembly was blinded, her face coated in blood. Lucien was aware of his pretty blade but he pulled out a dagger and started stabbing. 

Lucien blacked out, completely unaware until he felt a human hand enclose his own.

"You have gotten your justice, my friend" Caleb pulled him away and placed a kiss on Lucien's forehead. He had to be covered in blood, and as a result was covering Caleb in it as well. The woman that lured so many people here laid dead, with cree watching the rest of the Nein. 

"Cree, we're done here, go back to the Gentleman." Lucien spoke loud enough that his voice cracked.

"I won't leave you with them." Cree shouted. 

"You will. We're done here." Lucien clutched on to Caleb, his sense of home returning.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Nightmares were a common thing in this line of work. There was lots of fodder for nightmares for Caleb. His parents, Trent, Molly, any given adventure. 

The group welcomed Lucien back with open arms. He slept inn the guest room the first time back with the group, despite both Caleb and Lucien knowing that he was needed elsewhere, But things needed to be settled. 

Caleb knew that he might have nightmares once things calmed down. He tried to brace himself for it. 

Caleb's mind was a dangerous weapon, didn't matter who it was being used against him. 

* * *

Lucien was sitting on the bed given to him. It was welcoming, but not what he wanted. He felt lonely, not having someone else there.

Lucien started to stand up to go to the cafeteria to get a hot drink. He opened his door and a soft noise alerted him. Lucien looked down and saw the familiar orange cat. 

"Hello darling." Lucien cooed and knelt down to pet Frumpkin. The cat turned away and walked away from him, only a few steps before turning to face him again. Lucien took a step forward. The cat took a few more steps. 

Lucien hummed in confusion for a moment. But then it clicked. Lucien shouted the commands and lifted himself up to Caleb's room. He could hear soft cries from behind the door, mumbled words in Zemnian and Common were muffled through the door.

Lucien opened the door and witnessed Caleb gripping sheets, his arms bloody from some scars being scratched open. 

Frumpkin appeared on Lucien's shoulder when he stepped into the room. Caleb's eyes opened and he sat up at the sound, But his eyes were hallow, empty. 

Lucien ignored that thought and cupped Caleb's face. Caleb responded by grabbing Lucien's wrists. His hands were hot. Caleb looked at Lucien's eyes as the latter knelt next to him, still caressing Caleb's face. 

"My fault." Caleb whispered placing his b hands over Lucien's heart. It was still burning on his skin, but Lucien just pulled him closer, rocking the two of them. Caleb started breathing normally again. Lucien just kept holding him until the heat in Caleb's hands faded. 

"Lucien?" Caleb whispered, sounding more present than he was a minute ago. Lucien only nodded and pulled away. Caleb was staring at his hand, slightly bloody, right above his scar from-

"I'm here, hey. I'm not bleeding, I'm fine. Let's just get you cleaned up" Lucien stood up and held his hand out. 

Caleb grabbed the hand. His grip was weak. Lucien stuck his hands in the room's hot water. Lucien's grip was gentle as he was washing the blood off of the blood. The scars had scabbed over, so Lucien had to be mindful.

"You do not have to do this." Caleb whispered. 

"But I am here. So I am doing this." Lucien hummed. Caleb pulled his hands away. Lucien let him go, just throwing him a towel. Caleb dried himself off. 

"Why did you do this?" Caleb whispered. 

Lucien dried himself off. "Frumpkin got me, I was worried." 

"Thank you. I apologize for waking you up." Lucien shook his head. 

"I was up." Lucien whispered. "I was going to get a hot drink." 

Caleb nodded and pulled a small lever. A second passed in silence. Then a cat came in with a tray holding two cups of a drink smelling of chocolate. 

"As a thank you." Caleb whispered, sitting on his bed. Lucien sat at a distance. They drank in silence. 

"When I first woke up, I had crippling nightmares about losing myself again." Lucien whispered. 

"I keep dreaming of losing you, too." Caleb mumbled.

Lucien looked up. Caleb was looking away. 

"Caleb, I- tell you what. I'll sleep here. Not a one time thing, therefore if either of us have nightmares we're not alone." Lucien finished his drink and climbed onto the bed. Caleb froze. 

"You don't have to." Caleb whispered. 

"I want to. No bullshit, it sucks to room alone. I couldn't sleep." Lucien smiled bitterly. "This arrangement will help me as well as you. I do tend to cling though."

"I can live with that." Caleb let his hand reach for Lucien. "Not waking up alone would be nice."

The cups were taken away by the cats as the two lead each to sleep, Caleb with his ear right above Lucien's heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was spur of the moment.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucien swore loudly at the sounds of the fight there were three wizards in the fight originally but the younger two were easily dealt with. They were rendered unconscious. Lucien couldn't bring himself to hate these two; they were forcibly morphed like clay left in a kiln while Caleb was never able to set quite like the others. If Lucien still only had the memories of Molly, he would have hated them, but things were different now. 

There were a lot of things going on, but Lucien could keep up. Battles were second nature to him. It was harder for Caleb to keep up. His spells were burning up too quickly. A lot of spells were getting canceled. He was slowly running out of options short of brute force. The old master laughed at this, showing how much control he had, and a flash of lightning arced through the air. 

Lucien didn't feel the lightning, but he still felt an impact. Followed by a scream of pain. Lucien was dazed for a moment before he could collect himself, there was a dull thud next to him. Caleb landed with a blank and vacant look on his face, a little blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth. Lucien sat up and shook Caleb's shoulder. No response. Lucien kept his eyes on Caleb's face, checking for a pulse, but there was nothing. Caleb was just limp in his grip, his soul drifting elsewhere. There was something in him breaking. His friend, the one that understood him, the one that- Caleb laid still at his feet.

"So disappointing. I had hopes for you, but you decided to put your loyalty in the wrong group." The old man sneered. Lucien stiffened up.

The battle became white noise to him. Anger burned hot, boiling him to the point of numbness, before going into a glacial emotion. It was all too much. There were no allies or adversaries, but a target. His soul burned as he could feel the emotions slicing into his chest like he was killed all over again. Lucien took a deep breath, steadying him. He gently placed a kiss onto Caleb's forehead. He never saw a blue quite like Caleb's eyes and noticed that it could only be that bright with life. Lucien cupped Caleb's face, placing a kiss on his forehead. 

Caduceus placed a hand on Lucien's shoulder. "I have him." 

Lucien nodded. "I'll get Trent." 

There was the sound of magic ringing behind him, with Lucien releasing a breath as Caleb inhaled. 

The ground and his target were the only things solid for him. Everything else was foggy. Lucien gripped his daggers. Everything was rushing through his head. 

Lucian sliced his neck with the blades, causing one to have an ice coating, the other burning bright. There was a shout of shock and grief from behind him. 

At that moment there was no separation between Molly and Lucien. Lucien was the one that told him to smile that laughed at the attempts at jokes. Fangs were exposed as Lucien flashed his teeth. 

The blades were radiating magic, but it was nothing that Trent Ikithon could block. He turned to run but Lucien was faster. There was yelling. Then there was silence. There was a slight resistance as the knives made their chutes. Trent laid there, the wounds too affected to bleed. That gave rise to anger from his stomach. 

He knelt and started stabbing into the still-warm corpse, trying to get blood to spill. The magic faded from the swords, giving Lucien what he wanted, but Lucien kept cutting. Infernal fell from Lucien's mouth. 

"Enough." A familiar voice whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder. Lucien pulled away as Caleb weakly pulled him into his chest. 

Reality returned to Lucien in stages. First with Caleb, the tired breathing and steady heartbeats. Then the rest of the group. Lastly was the two younger wizards. They were quiet. Lucien grabbed onto Caleb, cradling him as sobs shook his body to the very core. 

* * *

Earning the two of them apart took time. Caleb took a shaky step and cast his final spell. The tower opened itself up to the group. There was a moment in silence, where no one knew what to do.

Caleb just started stumbling to the bedroom with Lucien on his heels. The rest of the Nein was somewhere; Caleb put them in a safe place so he wasn't worried. Caleb took off his now scorched shirt, where a cat took it away to be repaired. Lucien sat in a chair just watching him. The washroom was hidden but Lucien could still hear him. 

"Why did you do that?" Lucien asked when Caleb walked back to his bed. Caleb sat on the bed, trying to stay awake. 

"Which part exactly?" 

Lucien stood up still covered in Trent's blood. "You took an attack meant for me." 

"I watched you die before and I just couldn't, not again." Caleb looked away. "You saved the day." 

"Because I lost my cool. I could have killed all three of them, had those two not been dealt with." Lucien whispered as he let his hands hover over Caleb's shoulders, before letting his hands drop. "You kept fighting for us to redeem them and I would have thrown it all away because you died that way." 

Caleb blinked and cupped Lucien's face. "Take a breath and a bath. We need to talk." 

* * *

Lucien was clean, wearing fresh clothes, and sat in a chair where a cup of tea was waiting for him. Caleb was sitting in thought. 

"You are vilifying yourself," Caleb stated.

"I lost my cool. I wanted to hurt them." Lucien was trembling. "I would have betrayed your wish to save them." 

"Shock can do a lot to a man. When you were stabbed, I burned him to death, with him screaming." Caleb was calm, understanding. It made pressure build in Lucien's chest. 

"I didn't stop. After-" Lucien tried to argue but his voice died. 

"You did. Nothing that transpired today makes you evil. We are in this group to keep ourselves from crossing a line." Caleb stumbled towards Lucien. "What makes this any different?" He placed a hand on Lucien's knee. 

"I still crossed a line." Lucien put the cup down, ready for a cat to take away. 

"And what line was that?" Caleb asked. Lucien was just quiet. 

"You don't have to tell me, let's just deal with tomorrow." Caleb made his way back to bed. 

"I fell in love with you," Lucian whispered. The room fell quiet. The only sounds were the cat servants and the snoring of the group. 

"Oh. That's- Lucien." Caleb sighed. 

"I'm sorry. I made it weird." Lucien curled into himself. 

"No, that's- I feel like I don't deserve that. I never thought that you felt that way. I do care about you, your passing was- it hurt me more than I had braced myself for. Having you return was the best thing to happen." Caleb sat on the bed and gestured for Lucien to join him. Lucien did so slowly and with hesitancy. 

"And you're ok with this?" Lucien asked in a whisper. 

"I have been through so much because of you and your impact and I mean that in the best way possible." Caleb smiled, and Lucien, overwhelmed, placed a kiss on Caleb's lips. It was soft. Over before it even began. Lucien pulled away and ducked his head. 

"I'm sorry. That was stupid." Lucien backed away as far as the bed would let him. 

"Lucien. I'm not mad. It's just a lot. Let's just- try this again after both of us sleep. It's been a long day." He wrapped his arms around the other. Caleb placed a kiss on the corner of Lucien's lips. Tell me again in the morning. 

* * *

Lucien woke up clinging to Caleb. It was a warm, welcome comfort. Caleb was combing his fingers through Lucien's hair. "How are you feeling?" He whispered. 

Lucien took a breath and thought over his emotions. 

"I love you." 

Caleb smiled and tilted Lucien's chin up, kissing him on the lips proper. 

"Let's face the others shall we?" 


End file.
